Love, a fundamental human experience, has undergone numerous cultural shifts throughout history. As we explored in our previous article on the cycle of love, the concept of romantic love as we know it today is relatively recent in human history. It wasn’t until the 12th century that poet-musicians, known as troubadours, began singing about an idealized, romanticized love that closely resembles our modern conception.
This cultural evolution has primarily focused on interpersonal relationships and interactions, with countless books, movies, and songs celebrating the pursuit and experience of emotional love. From Shakespeare’s sonnets to modern pop ballads, our culture is saturated with representations of romantic love as the pinnacle of human experience. This perspective often implies that without receiving such love, we are somehow incomplete or deprived of a crucial life experience. The pain of losing this love, especially when it’s been a central part of our lives, can be devastating.
The Nature of Emotional Love
Emotional love, while intense and often deeply fulfilling, is inherently conditional. It depends on external gratification and reciprocation from another person. This creates a powerful feedback loop, fostering strong attachments that can lead to emotional dependence. As Buddhist philosophy teaches us, attachment is the root of suffering. Thus, the very nature of emotional love can sometimes be a source of both immense joy and profound pain.
The neurochemical surge from love explains why the early stages of romantic love can feel intoxicating, even addictive. Dr. Helen Fisher, a prominent anthropologist and human behavior researcher, has likened the early stages of romantic love to being high on cocaine. Both experiences activate similar reward pathways in the brain, leading to feelings of euphoria, increased energy, and focused attention.
The intense experience of love naturally leads us to seek out and cultivate such feelings, sometimes resulting in a cycle of relationships chasing that initial rush. However, this very pursuit can paradoxically keep us from accessing an even greater source of love, the wellspring that already exists within us.
It’s important to note that emotional and spiritual love are not mutually exclusive. In fact, experiences of emotional love can serve as a blueprint for understanding and accessing the higher spiritual love that is always available to us.
Transcending Attachment: The Realm of Spiritual Love
To move beyond the limitations of attachment and the need for external validation, we can explore a higher plane of spiritual love. Ram Dass, in his book “Be Love Now,” refers to this state as the “heart-mind.” This concept represents a fundamental shift in how we perceive and experience love. The characteristics of spiritual love involves the following:
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Unconditional Nature: Unlike emotional love, spiritual love doesn’t depend on external circumstances or reciprocation.
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State of Being: It’s not just a feeling but a way of existing in the world.
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Inner Source: While external stimuli may trigger feelings of love, the source is ultimately within ourselves.
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Universal Application: This love can be directed towards all beings, not just romantic partners.
Spiritual love has deep roots in various philosophical traditions. In Buddhism, compassion (metta) is considered a fundamental virtue and a path to enlightenment. In Hinduism, love is seen as a manifestation of divine energy. Taoism emphasizes the importance of harmony and interconnectedness, which can be understood as a form of spiritual love.
Some might argue that emphasizing spiritual love could lead to neglect of emotional relationships or spiritual bypassing. However, it’s important to recognize that spiritual love doesn’t replace emotional love but rather complements it. By cultivating a deeper understanding of love, we can develop more fulfilling and compassionate relationships with others.
Practices for Developing Heart-Mind Consciousness
To cultivate spiritual love and develop heart-mind consciousness, consider incorporating these practices into your daily life:
- Metta Meditation (Loving-Kindness):
- Begin by directing feelings of love and kindness towards yourself
- Gradually expand these feelings to loved ones, acquaintances, and eventually all beings
- Use phrases like “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease”
- Loving Awareness Meditation:
- Sit comfortably and focus on your breath
- As you become aware of thoughts, feelings, or sensations, embrace them with a loving awareness
- Practice extending this loving awareness to everything your consciousness touches
- Acts of Kindness:
- Perform random acts of kindness without expecting anything in return
- Notice how giving love freely can cultivate a sense of inner warmth and connection
By implementing these practices and cultivating the heart-mind, we can move towards a higher level of human consciousness—one rooted in universal love and compassion for all sentient beings. This evolution from emotional to spiritual love doesn’t negate the importance of personal relationships but rather enriches them, allowing us to love more deeply and freely while remaining grounded in our inner wellspring of love.
As we continue to explore and inhabit this spiritual dimension of love, we may find that our capacity for connection, empathy, and understanding expands far beyond what we previously thought possible. In doing so, we not only transform our own lives but contribute to a more loving and compassionate world for all.
